The Life and Works of Sir Takal…

August 24, 2008 at 2:08 pm | Posted in arbit, Bengaluru, chappar, criticism, Ethics, fakereviews, humour, literary, news wagon, nitk, poetry, Politics, sarcasm, Technical, travel, Visions | Leave a comment
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Drawing on this extensive article; the sole biography of Sir Takal in existence, I choose to limit myself, and write only about his magnificent works, with particular emphasis on some of his recent views about everything of consequence to the neo-modern chinese cult-societies in Bangalore.

Takal doesn’t read my blog, so I presume I am safe. [ Sincere apologies in advance ].

Inspirations: [ with the equivalent deft delicateness of Anu Malik ]

  • Appar’s exhilarating review of his best friend’s literary masterpiece.
  • A superb book review of “The 2007-2012 Outlook for Tufted Washable Scatter Rugs, Bathmats, and Sets That Measure 6-Feet by 9-Feet or Smaller in India” – the most scholarly book ever written in this field.

There are two kinds of literary critics in this world, one who totally adore Sir Takal’s succinct analogies, and metaphorical embellishments at times, and the others who haven’t read him yet. I proudly say that I belong to the first variety.

You see, when you read Takal ( a metonymic reference to something written by him ), you not only get the perception that the author is trying to convey an issue of importance, but also the subtle realization of the deeper meaning that this exalted mind offers.

Through innumerous surreal examples, chiefly drawn from the author’s experience with life, and his in-depth knowledge of the Bengalurean city-life, as well as his profound insights on global politics[ with a categorical expertise centered around topics related to the Chinese and Tibetan domain ], Takal clearly convinces of a dark and shady conspiracy that the system[ The Indian Government ], is running in the background of a hazy “India Shining” campaign.

Some Excerpts, and a Detailed as well as a Figurative analysis :-

  • I don’t know why I wrote this post. It is bad. Or may be not . I am not sure. “  Never since The Tale of Two Cities, has a enantiosis, the figure of contraries, of this nature ever been displayed in English Literature.  Walking on both lines of the  paradoxical line, he gently prepares the reader for a tumultuous article ahead. He continues….
  • It was Friday. It was when I went to piss at 4 o’clock that day, that I saw that it was a haze of grey outside . Well, with only work in my mind, I went back and hardly gave a thought to the heavy rain. ” – Metaphors be damned. This is God himself writing. When was the last time you had such a phantasmagoric visual treat lined up for you[ In the most literary, straightest sense possible ].
  • “Well, when I came back home, another shitty thing happened. Power went off.” – A powerful, yet hidden message to the Yeddy government.
  • “ And it is the engineer’s duty to do everything at the last moment. So, thinking I had all the time in the world, I disregarded the increasingly heavy rain, and started to play candle-lit carrom with Kela.” – Inspirational substance, and a brief hint at an on-going romance.
  • “I went and saw to my horror that there were only girlie umbrellas available. But, when I searched properly I did find some black umbrellas. So, I decided to buy it. But wait, I saw the label, and here it was for 667 rupees only. Well, with no time, and having more than a goat’s brain, I decided to adjust with a girlie umbrella for a day( which was available for 220 rupees), I got the umbrella.” – Sir Takal is a champion of the woman’s liberation movement, and he breaks all stereotypes, and urges the reader to do the same. Notice how he assigns a higher price to the “Black Umbrella”. Yes, you guessed it. Sir Takal loves the Afro-American Community as well. He is a maestro in the field of Zulu Dancing, though he is very coy about it.
  • “Thus, it should be clear that a torturer is a torturer, whatever language he speaks, and whatever country he belongs to. The driver was talking to people in singular whatever, I don’t remember the word. It was as if he thought he was the lord. It was as if he was enjoying the overcrowding of the bus. I realized what sadists felt like. He was feeling comfortable in his chair looking at the crowded bus. I felt what a concentration camp felt like, and I for the first time sympathized with the Jews, Borat notwithstanding.” – Just two words :- Drawing parallels between a BMTC ride and the Holocaust, Sir Takal takes the reader to an epochal period and drops him there. Also of importance are the tyrannical analogies of the bus-driver, who here is being compared to Adolf Hitler himself.   Did I say two words?.. Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

And this is just one of his works. Imagine the greatness of a man who has managed to put so many critical issues in such an eloquent manner.

I could go on an on, but I do not wish that the reader misses out on exploring Sir Takal all on their own. A chance that everyone must take.

Takal is a genre in itself. Kafkaesque creations seem pale in front of this divine force of literary grandeur.

Some blurbs from some more reputed sources:

  • “This is the 98956’th Indian Origin author that I have been asked to review. Please give me a break. God Damn it.” – Shashi Tharoor.
  • “To reduce such a richly diverse book to a couple of main themes is a disservice, for there is much here to reward the careful reader (notably two startlingly educative essays on the ancient roots of relations between India and China). Particularly pleasurable is Sir Takal’s masterly reclaiming of Rabindranath Tagore’s reputation from the unjust misjudgment of him in the West as a mediocre mystic poet rather than the rationalist and humanist genius and polymath Takal convincingly depicts. But — disservice aside — two principal arguments emerge from this collection: an affirmation of India’s political and cultural heterogeneity, and of the ‘reach of reason’ in India’s intellectual traditions.” – Shashi Tharoor on cannabis.
  • “I think of the glorious Tiananmen square days, when I read Sir Takal’s works.” – Long Dong, The Times of China. he continues, “Actually, I always think of those days.” ,he clarifies.
  • “I so adore Takal because he posts his articles mostly at the break of dawn. I love to wake up and read Takal, with the cup of coffee in my hand. WoW, Sir Takal. You’re totally on my favorites list. ” – Chetan Bhagat.
  • “Pardon me for this infantile indulgence, but pray allow me to savour the poetic mastery of Sir Takal. I fear that if I don’t quantify it into my already vast intellectual cache, I shall miss out on something very special, the stuff that mortals are faintly aware of.” – Noam Chomsky, not on cannabis.
  • “TB rules. TB is my hero. TB is GoD .” – Hashish, The Arizona Daily Star .
  • “Ashish to Ashes, Dust to Dust” – Sir Takal, The Davangere  Daily.

Normally I don’t recommend authors, but in his case, I doubly do so.

Venture into the unknown,

for there is where true beauty lies,

Do not miss this literary Oasis, O’ pensive traveller,

Not a shadow of doubt, I premise.

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Chetan Bhagat – The three mistakes of my life.

June 7, 2008 at 10:50 pm | Posted in criticism, humour, literary, sarcasm | 58 Comments
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chetan Bhagat
presents…………
The three mistakes of my life…….

  • chetan Bhagat
  • chetan Bhagat
  • chetan Bhagat

This is the primary reason why people don’t approach me for book-reviews…..

Anways, jokes apart. The reason his first book was good[ again, my opinion, shoot me], was because it was a novel attempt[ nah. no puns]. And primarily because, I’m an engineer and this book was about IIT. After that, friends, the charm has faded away.

I haven’t read the third book yet. Ah, A lying,nasty, cynical,hypocrite you say.
No. What prompted me to put this up, was some lame comments on a ‘genuine’ review page.

  • just loved it…….i hav only read three novels in my life…n they r all by chetan bhagat…         I sincerely hope that this guy is joking. Or is this Chetan Bhagat himself?
  • hi chetan i must say u always rokzzzzzzzzz n plz nxt time try to write something new not the same scripts yar waise i must say u r great. No Comments
  • i must say its a rocking come back chetan uncle i am a big fan of your i read your five point someone ,than a night at call center…….. but i must say that you are a perfect writer…. i am plnnin to take your book “three mistakes of my life” so how has been your experience for been the best seller for 70 weeks ?????? it must be fellin great ????? Chetan Uncle? Wtf. You btter be plnnin hard. I’m fellin awesome btw.
  • being a die hard fan of chetan..i can say dat dis book jus rockz…but a little less dan his previous books…its worth reading once..some ppl commented dat they can write better books dan this every week..dude..if u could have done dat..then u wud nt b here postin reviews for smeone else books….is dat clear???        Yes Sir. All- Clear. The job of a critic down the drain.

Ok. I thought I’d be unbiased and put some comments that actually dissected the book for what its worth. Some of them were too shallow, and most of them involved obscenities. Hence I present you the link.

What I didn’t like honestly was his division of reader-mentality on his blog.

  • Core Readers – hardcore fans who will read all CB books
  • Fringe Readers- My fringe readers are those who do not like my books, but read them anyway. They are “I’ve read all 3 books , all are crap” variety.

[ Sir, I thought your 1st book was good. and 2nd was bull-crap. I haven’t read the third one yet, Do I qualify?]

  • Critics – “the reviews were not as bad as I expected. Maybe they liked the book, or maybe they had a change of taste or maybe they realized that a few million, English speaking, educated Indians can’t be wrong.”

Mr. Bhagat- Sir,  witnessing the exquisite linguistic skills of your elite fan-base. I wouldn’t take that opinion for granted.
And he continues criticizing the critics….

  • “but if you call yourself a critic or an expert, you must offer some original, analytical insight about the work – good or bad, to justify your job. Summarizing the plot and repeating past interviews is not that. Anyway, less slamming this time, so I am happy. Thank you guys.”

The problem is the moment you end up slamming him, you’re automatically promoted to the 2nd set of readers.  What do we do?

Anyway. Go ahead. Read his book. He’s after all the “biggest-selling English-Language novelist in India’s History”.

P.S: Chetan Bhagat rokzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

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