Dinga Product Launch. Audio-Phish a.k.a De-Reshammiya Filter

August 2, 2008 at 4:34 pm | Posted in arbit, criticism, humour, music, narcissism, sarcasm, Technical | 7 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

[written with absolute permission from Dha, and Moral Insurance from Takal (just in case) ]

It was a festive atmosphere in the Dinga Electronics ™ campus on Thursday. A small gathering witnessed the launch of a revolutionary product in the field of consumer electronics.

Shri. Muthappa Rai, renowned reporter of the world-famous newspaper “Karavali Ale”,      was in Udupi to cover a murder scheduled later that evening.  After a pressing request by Logik, that this report would fetch him the PULL-it-Saar prize, he reluctantly came to     cover the event.

Chief Dingologist P.S.L.V. Babu, and Senior Dingineer Sadagopan Ramesh, described       their motivation to create the Audio-Phish™.

” It was just unbearable. We couldn’t tolerate it any more. People like Himesh Reshammiya were inflicting aural torture the likes of which, we have never heard before”. ” And then there were these countless reality shows as well. Mindless retards. Horrible Horrible. ” – Mr.Babu said reflecting his profound thoughts to our now, hapless reporter.

“We felt we owed it bigtime, to the society, and to the future generation. We realized      the need for a product that would obviate these crass voices once and for all. ” said Sadagopan Ramesh, looking obviously pleased, with this new found attention.

Ramesh continued. ” We hit a roadblock mapping Reshammiya’s voice to current noise models. Even Gaussian seemed melodious compared to him. Which is when we took the aids of Dha, a man so well known in audio processing circles.

” Of course. What were you thinking? Gaussian it seems.Pfft. The Himeshian model is so so complex. It is not just-white-noise. ” remarked Dha, in between games of Minesweeper, slyly gaining some Google-juice in the process.

After months of hard-work, The Dinga team has proudly launched the Audio Phish [ codenamed De Reshammiya Filter].

” This is still a prototype. We have just managed to make him sound like Sonu Nigam as of now. It will take us at least months, if not years, to get some decent sounds.” quipped Ramesh. ” Questions from anyone in the media? “, he said, obviously pointing to the one and only Muthappa.

” Now, what if Himesh comes to know of this, and sticks it down his . umm. throat? Wouldn’t that limit your sales to just one piece, and achieve similar results.?” asked Mr.Rai, beaming at having come up with such a brilliant doubt.

” Actually, make that two. One for each naris/nostril. Yes. That is a valid point. Which is why we are not seeking much publicity. We are just planning to put all this info up on a third-rate blog. And now, your paper as well. ” Mr.Babu replied, delicately avoiding any references to the atrocious piece of trash, that is Karavali Ale.

” Any copyright suits expected?”

” Probably just one. For flicking that pic from HHGTTG“.

” That’s it gentlemen. This is a joyous moment for us, for we know, that in our own humble way, we have saved millions from an imminent brain-freeze.”

Mr. Muthappa Rai looked exuberant as this pathetic show came to an end, and he bouncily jumped in joy.

The dingologist, and the dingineer rejoiced in their unique way.

“Hey, isn’t that the Bingo guys?. Are you planning on a merger?” asked the ever-inquisitive Rai.

” Listen, dude. Question time is over.” “Damn. The news shouldn’t have come out so soon. Yes , we’re planning on a new food-products division. We are yet to decide on a name though. ”

Bingo-Dinga, and Dingo-Binga both sound like African cuss-words”. mentioned Logik, haughtily considering himself so important that he had to do a self-reference.

Regular readers might be aware of the deal. Takal obviously irritated with the lack of publicity for Davangere Food Products, took on Dha in a verbal duel.

Dha says – ” You know what. You’d anyway be killed in that weird incident, by Sads, who would be taking over Davangere Semi Conductors. And if he doesn’t, I’ll certainly sh00t you, and take over Davangere Food Products”. , fondly reliving his glorious days on Dc++.

Takal says- ” Ha Ha. D.F.P’s output would just be self-sufficient for its CEO then.” taking a violent jab there, and making a below-the-belly joke.

Dha replied- ” Don’t ejaculate with joy there, Yoga-Boy. I know all about your deeds. ”

Looking exasperated after this vicious remark, Takal left the scene, vowing to avenge this defeat.

While the day drew to a close, the absence of famous Wildlife Photographer, and avid Hornithologist S.U.Saravanakumar, was deeply regretted. Despite an official invite from Logik, it is said that he went off to  Manipal, to watch the cheer-babes at the newly formed Udupi Premier League Kabaddi matches.

Dha, obviously gleaming with joy, at having directed such a great project, went on to address the gathering.

” This, in my not-so-humble opinion, should be the IEEE standard for Indian Humour blogposts”.

He also shouted ” All Hail the Son of Bosey“, for no apparent reason, before he was whisked off for security reasons, still maintaining the ambiguity in the minds of the readers, whether this was a tribute or a parody.

Cheerio.

Advertisements

7 Comments »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. aahsome. keep ’em comin’. liked the bosey and ambiguity bits in the end.

  2. frikkin’ brilliant!!!

  3. Just make sure you are still alive when you wake up tomo morning after giving some bitti publicity in a self proclaimed Third Rate Blog for Mutthappa Rai!

    And also, you can definitely count on shiverbay turning the tables on Takal for the ownership of DS-at whatever cost that might be!

  4. @ all – Thnx.

    @N.R – Mutthappa Rai is a businessman/politician now. Wikipedia also says the same thing. LoL.

    So I’m safe, and I assume Mr.Mutthappa will take it in good humour. And anyways there is always “third-rate blog” protection.
    I thought you had used that for your awesome Kheni post…

  5. You will be the next target for the Pull-it-saar prize and since the schedule for the murder is not yet decided, you can start counting your days and probably give a last lecture to your dinga mates and post it on Youtube. Moreover I’m the CEO of DS – not Takal. He is the ‘Chief Idea Officer’. We have a position vacant in DS for a clown who is gonna keep all the hijras and related people away from the company premises and you are the perfect fit for the job and will be receiving the offer letter from us soon. Regards, Shiverbay.

  6. @shiverbay – I ain’t no Randy Pausch. So don’t expect any last lectures from me.
    You’re the soon-to-be CEO of DS, that was the agreed decision[ as soon as u kill takal that is].

    Takal – Chief Idea officer? That’s the biggest joke that i’ve heard this month.

    I’m the chief peon at DS man, not the clown. [ refer to earlier post about the deal, for the merger details].

    Anyways, any specific hijras you were referring to?.. I’d be glad to keep them away.

  7. @shiverbay:
    last lecture.. lol. good one.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: