Pre Placement Peshaab….

August 20, 2007 at 7:20 pm | Posted in arbit, criticism, nitk | 1 Comment

The reason I use the ‘P’ word is ‘coz it definitely ain’t talk man…. Every day , a new company comes to our esteemed college, from some god-forsaken part of this planet, usually bengaluru-electronic city. Their main purpose being to recruit a fresh batch of mindless drones. As a part of this there is a propaganda session , that intends to bamboozle the audience into believing that this company is the best for them. yada yada…
A typical PPT…

Mr.L or Mr.Potter [ the proctologist ] gives a lame introduction , which goes something like this.. ” It’s my pleasant
duty [ ? ] to welcome the officials from XYZ. I’ll give the mike over to this chap over here. You’ll get to know the job profile, work culture , and compensation package etc. ”
A formal dressed employee, trying to look n sound as frood as possible [ look for officials with long hair, or that
krecian alumni beaming look, or something inherently yo about themselves, they usually do the presentations , couldn’t figure out why. An interesting exception being the Brigadier.Arbit from Hamburger corporation ]

Warning :- Prepare for an intense brain cleansing ritual…..A resemblance to any company is totally intentional.

Howdy folks, We’re the guys from Changu Mangu Associates . We’re a leading Mnc. We’ve offices in Timbuktu, Botswana, Reykjavik, Chin-Puk-Lan, Tasmania, Somalia. We’ve recently started India operations. Our Indian office is being setup at Gorkhaland.
Suddenly an inquisitive jobless [ read: unplaced ] individual , wakes from his slumber to ask a question.
” What do you guys exactly do ? ” The guy holding the mike suddenly turns Deep Purple, and passes the mike over to his juniors. They clearly hadn’t expected this question.
So , this new recruit says, ” That’s a real good question, You guys are good”, Recruit throws him a fancy thermos flask –
bright red.Kiddo turns pink . A beaming smile on the kiddo’s face.

Soon a video starts, Its Prathibha Patil doing the Macarena.The audience applauds. A standing ovation. Suddenly someone shrieks, “Look one more video”, Man they’re good. This one apparently showing the employee perspective. Carefully chosen, paid/tortured/ultra-hot chicks / alpha-nerds , appear in this one, telling why joining this company was my ambition since I started schooling, or that we play TT, watch Tv, go out on trips , /*flirt in the office*/, have regular fashion shows/ Guitaring sessions etc …. [ WORK ? anyone? ]

Then comes the section that everyone is waiting for, heck, its the only sodding thing that everyone’s here for anyway. The “compensation package”. [ Innocent ignorant engineers are now most often found boasting with fancy terms like gross, insurance,ESOP, laptops etc. ]

Next we get to see some goodies a.k.a free publicity. The sole purpose of most kiddos is to collect as many items before being placed. A bag, a keychain,a topi ,a Job [ 🙂 ] etc.

After all this nonsense, we have the actual placement routines.Gapti,Capti,n all that crap. The survivors move on to the next round, which would be the interview if its a good company, else there would be GD’s, Russian Roulette and all sorts of other elimination procedures.

If everything goes well, you could dream of that nice paycheque at the end of the year. Your future is set.

You would also see the walloping bill of the n-hajaar+1 treats, that made you realise that you had so many friends [ Brutus et al ]. A nasty kick to the buttocks, that the junta refer to as the GPL,the main reason for us being so humble and down to earth, is also duly bestowed at the blocks.It’s then that you realise that there are other things that you’ve got to think about. Projects, GRE, Incident, Engineer, and of course Final year timepass.
Your present is reset.

Final Remarks:- Placement dept.rocks. PC’s too….
Cheerio….
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  1. and u still owe me a treat! and without that treat(which u are bound to give), i will not be giving u ur 20 bucks!!


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